No One's There.

The other day I met a gentleman at the gym, for anonymity sake we'll call him "Robert". I had noticed him the day before when he shuffled across the floor of the pool area and entered the hot tub. His physic was lean but showed signs of age. His shoulders were drooped forward, his swim shorts belted high, and his gait slow. 

It wasn't my norm, but on this particular Wednesday I had chosen to take advantage of the hot tub after my water aerobics class. In walked Robert. Slowly he descended, holding tightly to the rail. We sat in silence for just a moment or two before he began to ask me questions. At first they were general, non intrusive questions about the water aerobics class he had observed earlier in the week. He liked the music. But then he began to reveal details about himself, unsolicited. I learned he was 79 years old, just about to turn 80, lived alone, and had been coming to this gym for over 14 years. I would have guessed much older, considering the 80 year olds I had been blessed to do prison ministry with over the past five years. He had grown forgetful yet was refusing to write things down, as if that would hold back the changes.

Having listened for a good bit of time, only offering the occasional response smile, I felt comfortable enough to ask if he minded a personal question. He smiled inquisitively, shook his head, and said, "No." I proceeded to ask if he had served time in prison. He squinted his eyes, as if to look deeper into my curiosity, and responded, "Well yes, quite a bit of time actually, but it has been a few years now."  I explained that I did prison Ministries and I got that vibe from him, and not just because of his tattoos. Now looking even more curious, or maybe confused, by my astuteness. After all, he wasn’t what you might consider "tatted up", in fact I only saw two. 1940 was tattooed on his fingers between his knuckles and a very faint "dot" below the corner of his right eye, resting on his cheek bone. This one resembled what could have been a teardrop, known to symbolize the taking a life, but with his aging skin it was unclear. What was clear was his surprise that I had noticed, or maybe he had forgotten about that one, after all it had faded.

Robert began to share that he had been in and out of prison many times, that it all began when he was sent to juvenile detention center. Theft was his crime of choice. I asked a second question. "If you had to pick one thing  that helped you to finally stay out of prison, what would you say it was?" After all he did say he'd been coming to the gym for 14 years so I had surmised that at some point he stayed out. His answered saddened me. "Age." 

Really? I know I'm a bit of an idealist, but the idea that one would reach a place in life that the only thing that would facilitate change was the inability to physically continue doing what you were doing confounded me. Not regret. Not a heart change. Not a decision to change for others, but simply that your body couldn’t physically keep up any longer?

He went on to say he "knew the answer I was looking for", but he was wrong. There was nothing about Robert that alluded to a story of redemption. I explained my question and shared that my curiosity wasn't about my own personal beliefs. I was looking for proven methods that support any form of reentry success. After all, I encourage women to pursue change in order to avoid returning to prison. It just so happens that I believe it requires a heart change and the healing of wounds. But I am open to hear and learn of the successes by other means. After all, I'd like to see these women permanently reunited with their families and restored to community.

Robert continued. He was alone. His brothers have died. His parents are long gone. And now surprised by the loss of friends who are preceding him in death, he finds himself very, very alone. 

How betrayed one must feel when ones body won’t let you do what you spent a lifetime being known for. How sad and lonely it must be to reach a point in time when vitality is required for worth or purpose. And how disappointing to reach the point in your life that you have the extra time, experiences to share, and yet when you look around, no one’s there...

... unless you believe.
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I will be your God throughout your lifetime — until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. Isaiah 46:4

Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.  Exodus 20:12

You shall live a long, good life; like standing grain, you’ll not be harvested until it’s time! Job 5:26

You’re all I want in heaven! You’re all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful.
Look! Those who left you are falling apart! Deserters, they’ll never be heard from again. But I’m in the very presence of God — oh, how refreshing it is!
I’ve made Lord God my home. God, I’m telling the world what you do! Psalms 73:25