Sunday morning I needed some Jesus when I woke. Pondering my 2014 word for the year, courage, and wanting to finish well, I grabbed a book I've been wanting to finish for years. Then I placed in on my chest and prayed, "Jesus I need you!" As I fanned the pages trying to locate a starting point, I found and read the following highlighted passage:
"I (God) am not merely the best version of you that you can think of. I am more than that," (The Shack)
The best version of me? Is that really what we think, what I think? Clearly my need is far greater than a better version me. After all, I and my lack of or limited abilities are the issue.
Pondering the profound words too deep for an immediate answer, I fell back into fanning the pages for a starting point. There it was, a hand written note from a 5-Star friend (those that are know who they are). By the salutation, I could place the time of the note right at about 5 years ago. The message was short. The call to action was clear.
Despite my memory lapse, it was clear God had showed up at my request and had something to say. But His was not the only voice I heard. For a brief moment, I heard the accuser's voice encouraging judgment. In my obvious inadequacies, there was something had I missed! What truth had I read five years ago that didn't "stick"? For that matter what in the heck did I not get just two months ago? I knew better. This was not where God wanted me to go with my thoughts. How did I know? Because they were condemning thoughts. The voice of God brings encouragement, and yes, conviction ... but never condemnation!
No longer concerned about an unfinished book, I let it close shifting my focus onto God's "right now word". After a slow and thorough read through I knew I needed more. My eyes traveled below to the study notes.
Verses 2-3: An enlarged family must have a larger place to live.
Verses 4-5: The restored widow has gone from nothing to everything.
Verses 6-8: After separation because of your sin, you are taken back with everlasting covenant love.
How descriptive this passage is to my present day thoughts, emotions and life circumstances! Wanting a place for family to visit once again. Longing for restoration of resources. And a yearning, no desperately needing to feel His love deeply, as I had not too long ago. (I pondered the inclusion of these raw truths and concluded that without transparency there is both no testimony and no connectivity to you, my reader.)
God had transcended time and space to speak ... answering the simplest of prayers. "God I need you!" How did He answer, by inviting me to receive ... more!
Giving comes easy for me, but despite appearances, it takes courage for me to receive. No wonder over the past two years you've witnessed me being "baptized" in the need to receive! (dieing to self and receiving life ... and everything pertaining to it!) He loves me, and you, enough to not leave us the same as He found us (plagued with the aftermath of sin & separation)!
Next I ran a Google search on the word courage. To you it might sound like I've gone off on a rabbit trail. However, this is the way I'm wired. A need to know in order to understand and apply. Oh sure, I'd much prefer a paradigm shift resulting in a behavior change, but they don't always come that easy! This time my search was for the biblical definition of courage. The first thing that turned up was a Hebrew study of the word as used in Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord. God produces courage in you. Hmm, all this time I've been trying to develop it through my responses, and even grow in it by my actions! Only to learn, it is God who gives courage. I can't operate in it until I receive it. And all I had to do was ask for it? Wouldn't you know!
God gives courage to your heart, not your head. (- Holy Spirit) Is it any wonder He tells us to guard our hearts? Proverbs 4:23 Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.
Living life to the fullest, enlarging your territory, expanding your influence, and praying the Jabez Prayer, all take courage ... not our own, but His. Ask for it! He promises that if we will ask, and keep asking, we will receive. Matthew 7:7-8.
I may have asked five years ago. I may have even asked two months ago, but I will not let that stop me from asking today ... because I know I will receive!
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